State nicknames

Now that we're coming down to the wire in the midterm elections, my interest in state nicknames is reviving. I first got interested in state nicknames during the 2004 election when I was obsessively checking that electoral-vote.com website for the latest polls and hearing pundits say things like, "Kerry may very well win the Chipmunk State", or something like that.

There are different theories of state nicknames. Some refer to a physical feature of a state, like Maine (the Pine Tree State), Kansas (the Sunflower State), or Washington (the Evergreen State). Some states have bland names that, in theory, any state could aspire to, like Connecticut (the Constitution State), Arkansas (the Natural State), or Wyoming (the Equality State). On the other side of the spectrum are states with nicknames using words one rarely hears outside that one context, like Indiana (the Hoosier State), North Carolina (the Tar Heel State), or Ohio (the Buckeye State). Some states pick one particular part of their state, to the exclusion of the rest, it seems, like South Dakota (Mount Rushmore State) and Arizona (Grand Canyon State).

A lot of these state nicknames leave me somewhat unsatisfied, missing the states' real essence. They don't use criteria for nicknames that I find more interesting, like musical, culinary, or political features of the state. So, with no qualifications to speak of, I want to make my suggestions for nicknames for all the states, which are going to be heavily biased toward what I know and care about:

1. Maine is a lovely place with lots of natural beauty that, in addition to being named "the Pine Tree State", says "Vacationland" on its license plates. Why not get a little more sinister? Use Maine native son and Bangor resident: the Steven King State. But because of my obsession with foods, I have to go with the Lobster State. It's no joke, man, those lobsters are delicious! I have a sentimental place in my heart because Maine is the first place I tried lobster.

2. New Hampshire is called "the Granite State", which is a pretty cool name. It sums up the character of the Flinty, Stolid WASPs there, what with their humorless slogan "live free or die." The only other name I'd suggest is the Primary State. A double entendre: its known for its presidential primaries and it's the first!

3. For most of Vermont's history, the political posture of the Green Mountain State was Yankee Republicanism -- you know, the old-school pre-Goldwater kind, where they were still proud of being abolitionists. In more recent years, back-to-the-earth ex-New York types have moved there, and the state's politics are more associated with Howard Dean and Bernie Sanders. Partly because of the hippie ethic there and because of the dairy farming, I'd call it the Ben & Jerry’s State.

4. Massachusetts is the Bay State, and there certainly is a bay there. But this is rather bland, no? Based on the first Bay Stater I met, my law school roommate, my first instinct was to nickname it the Accent State. Massachusetts is of course known for its proliferation of universities, but "the Harvard State" or "the Ivy State" seem a little bit exclusionary, and "the Academic State" seems vague. Massachusetts also has a distinctive working class, from the oceanside towns like New Bedford (the Whaling State?) to all those Red Sox fans from Southie. Massachusetts is also the first state to have same-sex marriage. Going with the one thread holding all of these together, I'd suggest the Blue State.

5. Rhode Island is the Ocean State, its already small size bisected by Narragansett Bay. The Ocean State could also apply to a lot of other states (Hawaii comes to mind - maybe Rhode Island could be the Atlantic State?) Rhode Island could be the Small State (it has less land area than L.A. County), but if D.C. becomes a state, it would be the smallest. Based on the delightful seafood I've had on my many visits there, and taking my cue from the T.V. show "the Family Guy", I'd have to go with the Quahog State. (For the uninitiated, there are clams).

6. I know someone with definite views on Connecticut, but this is a family-friendly enterprise. To be topical, I could call it Joestate, but that won't apply forever. The Tick State isn't very nice, I guess, but how many towns get diseases named after them? Since I live in New York and visit New England often, I spend a lot more time traveling through Connecticut than spending time there, so I have that association with it. The Fung Wah Bus State? The Merritt Parkway State? Or, if you want to reflect industry there, the Insurance State? I'm at a loss.

7. New York has my least-favorite nickname, the Empire State. Living in New York City, my uncharitable impulse is to go the South Dakota/Arizona route and name New York after a monument or something I find most interesting to the exclusion of the rest of the state. Like the Brooklyn Bridge State. Or the Wall Street State (let's face it, that 's the engine that drives everything else here). The Subway State. The Theater State. To be accurate and inclusive, we could be called the Dysfunctional Legislature State. We could take pride in the art forms that originated here and spread throughout the globe, like the Hip-Hop State. From the culinary traditions of New York, there's also the Knish State or the Pizza State. But given the composition of New York State, the location of Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty here, I'd settle on the Immigration State.

8. I actually like New Jersey, despite the fact that some parts of it look like someone was making an active attempt to render the landscape as aggressively ugly as possible (the Turnpike State?) Given New Jersey's placement between New York City and Philadelphia, the Suburb State would be accurate, if not complimentary. I was once in the Ironbound section of Newark getting some Portuguese food and the coffeeshop we were getting dessert at was playing Pat Benatar on the sound system and teenagers hanging out there looked like the cast of "the Warriors", making me think that another appropriate nickname would be "the Land That Time Forgot." But I think given his hometown, talent, and the joie de vivre he denotes, I'd vote for the Sinatra State.

9. Pennsylvania is the Keystone State, whatever that means. The only culinary and musical references I can think of native to Pennsylvania are more confined to Philly: the Cheesesteak State, or , in a nod to the wonderful heritage of Gamble & Huff, the Funk State or the Disco State. If you wanted to be more inclusive, have a name that takes in Pittsburgh and Allentown, you could go with the Steel State, which sounds kind of cool.

10. The First State? Yawn. Delaware's too easy: the Corporate State.

11. I don't know much about Maryland or what "the Old Line State" means. The "D.C. burbs State" isn't particularly compelling. I'd go culinary with this one: the Crabcake State.

12. I don't know much about Virginia either, I'm afraid. The Early President State would be accurate, or if you wanted to get more specific about it, it could be called the Mount Vernon State or the Monticello State. In honor of Thomas Jefferson and UVA, it could be called the Honor Code State. Or, based on the bumper sticker, the Lover State. My favorite Virginia musical connection is Missy Elliott; the Missy State? Sounds kinda nice, no?

13. North Carolina's nickname is the Tar Heel State, which does sound cool. An industry I've always associated with North Carolina is tobacco, which isn't the best thing to name a state after (NicState, perhaps?) You could combine it with the fact the Smoky Mountains are there: the Smoky State!

14. I'm drawing a blank on South Carolina. The Palmetto State sounds as good as anything. If you want to get historical, maybe the Fort Sumter State.

15. Georgia, of course, has a lot of musical associations: James Brown lives there, Ray Charles' song is the state song, and there's the whole Athens scene, what with REM, the B-52's, and Let's Active. But my current favorite is the Atlanta scene, Outkast, Ludacris, etc. I'd vote for "the Dirty South State." Hey, it's got "South" in it.

16. Anyone who's been to Florida knows that the Sunshine State is no joke. Given the entertainment Florida has provided the rest of the country in recent years (Elian Gonzalez, Katherine Harris, the Schiavos, Mark Foley), the Kooky State works for me. But lets face it: this is the Social Security State.

17. I've never been to Alabama, and people I've met from there don't have great things to say about it. It's nickname is Heart Of Dixie. Maybe they could update the spirit of that slogan a bit, nodding to the most famous tribute they've had lately: the Lynyrd Skynyrd State! Or they could offer a more historically significant tribute: the Rosa Parks State.

18. Mississippi is the Magnolia State, which sounds innocuous enough as it is, but let's face it, this isn't really what we all think about when we hear of Mississippi now, is it? In keeping with my musical preferences, I'd honor Mississippi by calling it the Delta Blues State.

19. Poor Louisiana. The indignities the state suffered last year layered on top of a terrible reputation for poverty, corruption, backwardness, and humidity that its nickname "the Pelican State" blissfully ignores. And yet Louisiana is a unique place in the U.S., with its own language (Cajun), culture, cuisine, and music. While "the Corrupt State" may be accurate, that'd also apply lots of other places, too. "The Bayou State" wouls also be accurate, but doesn't capture that Louisiana flavor. Maybe "the Jazz State" would be appropriate, although Chicago, Kansas City, New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles can all make valid claims on Jazz's history. Perhaps a food name would work; the Po'Boy State, the Crawfish State, the Jambalaya State (which is just downright fun to say), or the Gumbo State, since Louisiana is such a mix of things as it is. The Hot Sauce State works on many levels, too. While I'd be happy with any of these names, my favorite ultimately is the Zydeco State. First of all, it's a weird and fun word. Second, zydeco is a style indigenous to Louisiana that, unlike jazz, other places don't have a claim on. Third, zydeco is a combination of Cajun folk music with R & B, and a reflection of the Creole culture of Lousiana.

20. It's hard to improve on Lone Star State as a nickname for Texas, my favorite current nickname. The map of Texas looks a little bit like a star, and the flat expanse of Texas can make someone feel "lone". (Or so I've read; I've never been there). Another name that Texans would appreciate would be the Alamo State, but that whole Alamo mythology feeds into the most annoying thing about Texans, the historical boosterism that elides a distasteful tale of separation from Mexico. Another thing that seems to characterize lots of Texas and says a little bit about the attitude would be the Big Cowboy Hat State. Texas' rip-roaring free-market business ideology would fit with the Enron State (hey, they named the Astros' stadium after them). But Lone Star State beats all of these.

21. I must plead some ignorance about Oklahoma, which is called "the Sooner State", whatever the hell that means. While having one senator as off-the-deep-end as James Inhofe is distinctive enough, Oklahoma also has Tom Coburn, so maybe it should be the Wingnut State. Given the oil industry there, though, I'd be nicer and suggest the Petroleum State. Sure, Texas and Louisiana could claim it too, but there's so much else in those two states that Oklahoma should be able to take it.

22. Arkansas is "the Natural State", and I've heard that it is a pretty place. Being the partisan Democrat that I am, my association naturally turns more toward calling it the Bill Clinton State. Maybe a reference to Clinton's childhood with a nod to Arkansas' raffish nature would work if it was called the Hot Springs State.

23. Tennessee is the Volunteer State, a pretty bland name. Given Tennessee's rich musical traditions, there's a lot to choose from. Nashville's there, so how about the Grand Ole Opry State? But Memphis is there too, so how about the R & B State? I think the two can be compromised along with a genuine regional landmark by calling Tennessee the Elvis State.

24. Before I met my stepfather's family, who have Kentucky roots, my only childhood association with Kentucky was the fried chicken franchise, but the Fried Chicken State or the KFC State sounds lame. A native son could make for a nickname, I suppose, the Daniel Boone State, or the Muhammed Ali State. But Kentucky's nickname already coincides with a great musical tradition it's got: the Bluegrass State.

25. West Virginia is currently the Mountain State. Take that Vermont, which only is the Green Mountain State. While there are certainly mountains in West Virginia, there are mountains, and taller ones, in lots of other states. Given the hard times that West Virginia has always had, and the associations I make with it to the bloody union drives in Harlan County, I'd nominate it as the Coal State.

26. I've been to Ohio four times in my life, each time for a wedding, so I'd personally call it the Wedding State. What the hell's a buckeye anyway? Ohio's hold on musical heritage is a bit tenuous: the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland, but a lot of places could lay claim to similar title. The Pretenders song "My City Was Gone" references bad urban planning in Akron. How about the Pretenders State? Ohio, of course, has a great industrial past, so maybe the Tire State, although that's unfortunately become a greater part of the past than present in Ohio. It's a very middle-of-the-road place with a lot of medium-sized cities that tends to vote with the winners of presidential elections, so I guess I'd rest on the Bellweather State.

27. When I first moved to New York, I fell in with some Californians, who always complained about the weather even when it wasn't that cold. Later on, I met lots of people from Michigan, who were great. They were so happy to no longer live in Michigan that they didn't complain about anything. Michigan is now the Wolverine State, which is fine and good but makes me think of the crappy movie Red Dawn. How do you nickname a state with the urban ghost towns of Detroit and Flint and the hip bohemia of Ann Arbor? The Iggy Pop State, maybe: a native son, with industrial grit and yet punk rock hipness. Or the Techno State, in tribute to the great Detroit techno sounds of Juan Atkins anad Cybotron. I guess the default would be the Automobile State.

28. Those of us from Chicago regard Indiana the way New Yorkers regard New Jersey, so I don't have much to say. They call themselves the Hoosier State, the nickname for Indianans. The Quayle State would sum up the state's political conservatism. The Nascar State might suffice, as Nascar is the trope for conservative white men these days and they do after all host the Indy 500.

29. As a native Chicagoan, I'm tempted to nickname Illinois to the detriment of the rest of the state: the Deep Dish State, the Lake Shore Drive State, the House Music State, or the Pierogi State would all do on this score. Otherwise, it's hard to think of a nickname that can encompass both Chicago and its vast, flat agricultural hinterland. I mean, if you said, "the tallest building in the U.S. is in Chicago", it would conjure up an image of an urban skyline, but if you said "the tallest building in the U.S. is in Illinois", you'd think of a silo in the middle of a field somewhere. One of Illinois' current nicknames, the Prairie State, favors the latter imagery although having driven back and forth from Chicago to Urbana numerous times during my college years, the Flat State is more honest, if less complimentary. The Land Of Lincoln is Chicago's other nickname, and maybe it will have to stand until another consensus figure can be found. Mmm ... Land of Obama ...

30. Wisconsin is officially the Badger State, but this is too easy. The Cheesehead State, of course, is what Wisconsin actually is.

31. Minnesota is sometimes called the North Star State, sometimes the Land of 10,000 Lakes (which freaked me out as a little kid because I thought all "lakes" were the size of Lake Michigan). What else do we know about Minnesota? Great '80s music, like Prince and Husker Du, historic Scandanavian heritage, traditional Humphrey/Mondale liberalism, and of course, those long, cold winters (but the Frigid State would elide the rest of the Minnesota culture). Given the fact that Minnesota's earnest reputation ties its other characteristics together, I 'd go with a local hero for inspiration: the Garrison Keillor State.

32. Iowa, what to name Iowa especially if, like me, you don't know what a "hawkeye" is. Iowa's got a lot of farmers. The first caucuses are in Iowa. It's an old-fashioned prairie populist state but hasn't been swallowed up by the Republicans yet (they can still elect a Senator as liberal as Tom Harkin!) The Farmer State doesn't quite capture it. The Cornfield State? I think that the Ethanol State encompasses the corn, the farmers, and the political clout of having the first caucuses.

33. Missouri is the Show Me State. Umm, right. Mormons believe that the Garden of Eden is in Independence, so maybe that will do. Missouri used to be called the Gateway to the West. Maybe they could update it to call it the Arch State -- that St. Louis boondoggle has to be good for something. The Barbeque State would be accurate, although other states could claim that, too. Given that Harry Truman enjoys some bipartisan popularity, how about the Truman State? Or another well-loved native son, the Mark Twain State?

34. Kansas is, of course, the Sunflower State, which sounds nice. Kansas is also noted in liberal circles these days for Thomas Frank's book lamenting that low-income voters in Kansas vote Republican against their economic interests because they're into social issues. Maybe the Red State captures the essence of it. A more neutral default could be the Wheat State.

35. Nebraska is the Cornhusker State. There goes my Iowa idea. It could also be the Accent-Free State. The Beef State would also be accurate. In honor of one of its sort-of native sons, with some appeal to both sides of the political spectrum, how about the William Jennings Bryan State?

36. South Dakota is the Mount Rushmore State, which is as good as name as any. I don't know much about South Dakota; I guess the Black Hills State would work as well. I can say that one of my favorite HBO series, Deadwood, took place in South Dakota; the Deadwood State has kind of a cool ring to it. Maybe HBO series could be a new basis for state nicknames. Maryland could be the Wire State, California the Entourage State, New Jersey the Sopranos State, New York the Sex In the City State ...

37. North Dakota is the Peace Garden State, which sounds nice, but I don't know what it means. It could also be called the Cold State (hey, when you grow up in Chicago, you've gotta have some other place to make an invidious comparison with). From what I've read about North Dakota, it could also unfortunately be called the Dwindling State.

38. Montana is currently called the Treasure State, or Big Sky Country, which are both fine names. I've never been there, but people seem to really like that place. Maybe the Fly-Fishing State would be a good nickname, as it sums up the outdoorsy appeal and easygoing rhythm of the place. I like the Bison State, too.

39. Wyoming is the Equality State, the derivation of which is that it was the first state to legalize female suffrage. Which isn't as much because Wyoming was so progressive as they were desperate to get women to move there. Sort of the electoral version of Ladies Night. Its political reputation hasn't been so progressive since then. The Cheney State sums up my view of the place.

40. Colorado is the Centennial State, which sounds accurate enough if not terribly interesting. I mostly associate Colorado with outdoors activity, like skiing or biking or rock-climbing or something. The Workout State, perhaps? I like the Rocky State, too. Sounds cool.

41. New Mexico has stunning natural beauty. Unfortunately, their nickname takes that fact and makes it kinda dippy: the Land Of Enchantment. C'mon, New Mexico can be cooler than that. The Adobe State accurately characterizes the architectural style there (to the point of monotony!) The Georgia O'Keefe State would honor a local artist who famously painted lots of local scenes. But the New Mexico cuisine is what gets me: the Green Chile State. Can't be anything else. (Well, maybe the Sopapilla State).

42. Arizona is the Grand Canyon State, which is fine as far as it goes. I could also go for the Desert State, the Cactus State, or the Tumbleweed State which evoke Arizonan imagery (so does the Cow Skull State). But let's be honest; Arizona is a fast-growing sunbelt state utterly dependent on subsidized water and the electricity dam projects bring to provide the air conditioning that makes large-scale living there possible. The Subdivision State or the Air Conditioned State would work. The Subsidized State would be a little mean. The Dry Heat State would be a little bit nicer.

43. Utah is officially the Beehive State, but come on. We all know it's the Mormon State. Maybe, going by my HBO formula, it could be the Big Love State. Sounds more fun.

44. Nevada is officially the Silver State, but this is easy too. The Gambling State. Or if you want to be more raffish, the Prostitution State. Or the Divorce State? Boy, I'm not going to run for office in Nevada anytime soon.

45. Idaho is the Gem State, following the pattern of a lot of these Western State names (Silver State, Treasure State). Based on my perhaps unfair associations, I also thought of the Militia State. Two more benign nicknames could be the Potato State and the Napoleon Dynamite State.

46. The Evergreen State is evocative of the comforting, temperate state that Washington is. It's tempting to also call it the Microsoft State, but there's more to Washington than that. The Grunge State. The Coffee State, of course. I think the Flannel State is what brings all of this imagery home.

47. Of all the state nicknames, Oregon's the Beaver State is probably the one that would make junior high schools students titter the most. Based upon its progressive reputation, especially when it comes to urban planning, I'd nominate Oregon to be the Bicycle State.

48. The monstrous injustice that is the United States Senate becomes clear when you have to come up with a nickname for California. I mean, we had to think of one for North and South Dakota, but the Golden State, with Hollywood, Silicon Valley, great burritos, redwoods, etc., has to only have one nickname to sum it all up? The Freeway State? The Nice Climate State? The Software State? It's exhausting to think about. I think I'll go with the State That's Too Big and leave it at that.

49. Alaska calls itself the Last Frontier. If global climate crisis persists, it could be the Melting State, I guess. Another accurate nickname would be the Screwed-Up Gender Ratio State.

50. Hawaii is the Aloha State! What else could it possibly be? Maybe the Volcano State, since that's what the islands owe their existence to, or the Sugar State. Or the Lei State, for some pretty enduring imagery. I'd go for the Slack-Key Guitar State, 'cause I love that sound so much.